Nisnis Haji Idris

I feel writing something for tonight.

When I flash back our memories, it was the best.

Without you here, it feels a bit weird.

but I'm getting used to it.

Things seem to be getting easier than before.

I will be always love you

but it's over.

We're moving on.

We're moving forward..

We pray to God for new beginning..

We pray to God to give us strength and patience 

^^

People see me smiling, laughing, dancing.

Inside crying, never thought it brings deeper scar than before..

You think it is an easy for me to forget for what happen.

As I am trying to be strong,

As I am struggling to smile, to laugh,

It hurts so much,

until I cry every night,

wonder why this happened again.

I am trying to think as this situation just another challenge.

but I've failed cause of my doings in our past..

Everyday I pray, 

to give me strength, patience..

When I see you talking to other girl, 

it brings up all those old memories we had.

Can't you see I am realy struggling to be strong.

Don't you think I just want to go to you and cry?

Tell me everything will be fine.

but no..

It will never be better.

`Restu itu kan penting..`

That's the most important when it comes to relationship..

but I've failed..

keep on failing.. and failing..

I am failing to someone I love..

no matter how much I love you, 

I've failed..

No more..

I'm done with something called love..

if only it brings scars,sadness into my life..

but somehow..

deep inside..

I'm still hoping..

just saying..

One day, you look at the mirror and say;..

Look at me. I'm imperfect. I'm not like any of those pretty girls. There's always something wrong with me. I'm hideous.. but..
Allah SWT looks at you and frowns.. then smiles..
He says.. "Who told you that? I made you. I love you. You're perfect just the way you are - designed for a purpose. I wouldn't change a thing."

To all girls out there, stop thinking that you are not pretty, you are fat, you are hideous, you are skinny. God made us this way. 
Think positive and smile~~ Because your smile, you make the world looks peaceful and beautiful. And you are beautiful :) 
Age and appearance are not important. 
What's more important is your heart.. 

♥♥

There are 5 stages of GRIEF:

1) Denial and Isolation

2) Anger

3) Bargaining

4) Depression

5) Acceptance

In my case:

1) Denial & Isolation.
I do not denied what happened between us. People ask I asnwer them. In reality I denied I've lost you. I've lost my missing piece, my other half, my bestfriend. I started to isolate my self from people. Started to over think. Started to ignore what happen outside the world. 

2) Anger
I was mad to my self for letting this slipping away from my fingers. Mad that I ignored the signs.

3)  Bargaining
I started to loss faith, not to God, but to my self.. I started to believe I will never be good for anyone..

4) Depression
I spent most of my time at home. Thinking of useless stuffs. Not making any moves. Every night cried cause of you. 

5) Acceptance
I slowly make moves. I start to hang out with friend. The depression is still there but lesser. I slowly stop thinking of you. I start to move on. I put your stuffs at the darkest place ever. I believe I can move on. I've gone through this once and I will go through this. My anger, sadness are still there. I'm taking my time. I got my eyes on someone but I believe it's just a silly crush. 

We all gone through a lot of shits. Not just me or you, all people in this world, no matter that people are rich or poor. Bad things happen for a reason. We got heart broken, being stabbed from behind, family issue, boy/girlfriend issue. but here we are. We have supports from our friends/family. We moved on. 

It has been a month. Someone out there will say to us that sometimes we do not need to stand on our own two feet. We need his/her help.. I am not sure I can trust anyone other than my family and friends. I do still believe there is someone out there for me but I am just too tired to believe so-called Love..

I am not perfect like your girl.

I am not open up enough like her.

I wear make up to hide all the pains and sorrow.

My life is twisted and dark.

and you cannot accept it

It's your lost XD 

Spent 9 months.

Memories.

Tears,Laughs,Pains.

One of the relationships means.

No matter we believe they are the one for us, there is someone out there looking for us.

I stop believe he's the one for me.

I don't believe there's someone for me.

What I need is my family and friends <3

Any one can change in a short time.

We need to get ready for it.

Regret?

Only regret some part of it.

But all of it become histories and part of our past.

We learn from it and try to avoid it for the future.

Sunday, 10th July.

The day I flashed back all our memories.

We used to holding hands, laughing each other jokes.

and now it's done.

Today, next day and day after is the continuation of movin on chapter.

Somehow I am glad we are over. 

You gave up, you are not worthy..

I wish you all the best and your happiness 

:)

I've become a night owl for past few weeks.

So many things to think about.

The time ticks away but I didn't realize.

This depression is ain't me.

I tried my best.

Be strong..

but..

How can a person is so sad while the other person is so happy.

How life can be one sided?

Life..